maandag 1 maart 2010

HonestReporting's Dubai Mission a Big Hit

Warning: satire!

What the media isn't telling you about HonestReporting's recent Dubai mission.

Dubai requested an Interpol arrest warrant for the first British expat living in Israel to confirm being in the Al Bustan Rotana Hotel on the day Mahmoud al-Mabhouh was mysteriously killed.

"Our CCTV security footage shows Suzanne Lieberman and a group of HonestReporting mission participants walking into a room, putting on wigs, masks, army surplus camouflage, then following Mabhouh to his room," said Dubai police chief Lt. Gen. Dahi Khalfan.

In footage viewed by reporters, Lieberman was clearly seen helping a white-haired lady in a walker put on a balaclava and test some electronic equipment.

Mrs. Lieberman, the missions director of HonestReporting, a Jerusalem-based non-governmental organization, denied any connection to the affair, explaining that her group came to watch Israel's Shahar Peer compete in the Barclays Dubai Tennis Championship.

"We arrived early to settle in. Because of this bloody murder, we had to leave before the tournament began. All my people are demanding a refund now," she said.

Asked about the disguises and electronic equipment, Mrs. Lieberman claimed they were purchased in Dubai airport's duty free shop in advance of the Purim holiday, when people dress up in costumes.

"It's not like in America. You can buy all kinds of things in the airport and take it in your carry on," Mrs. Lieberman said. "The prices were great, and my kids thought the spy gear was really cool – until the electronic things broke as soon as the kids tried to use them. Do you really think we could kill anyone with duty free junk?"

Dubai has not yet released the names of the other HonestReporting mission participants. "We'll keep this in the news cycle by publicizing more names and security footage at periodic intervals," said Khalfan. "There's no rush to put all our cards on the table now."

Mrs. Lieberman refused to identify the other participants. HonestReporting's Dubai Tennis and Targeted Killing Mission was known to be traveling as a group of 43, along with Mideast tennis analyst Caroline Glick.

Interpol Secretary General Ronald Noble said the issue of Israeli involvement in the assassination could be clarified with arrest warrants for all Israeli citizens, and called on Israel's government to cooperate.

"If all seven million Israelis are innocent, the government should have nothing to hide," said Noble.

Peer lost to tournament winner Venus Williams.

Williams, a US citizen, denied reports that she travelled with a British passport under the name Jane Moneypenny. The Irish Times claimed she scouted the Burj Khalifa observation deck as a possible Mossad safehouse. The 124th floor viewing platform was closed indefinitely under mysterious circumstances only one month after the building opened to the public.

HonestReporting staffers refused to confirm or deny plans for future missions, citing an official policy of ambiguity.

From Honest Reporting